I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
