You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
