My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
