his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
