Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
