a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the liver wants what the liver wants
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
