u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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