there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
