just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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