I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize