I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
