Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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