why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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