Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
