So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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