1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
