I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
