im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
