We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
