Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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