You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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