His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
