He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
