He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
