We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize