All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
