Hey man sorry I got all grabby
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize