Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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