$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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