Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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