It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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