so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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