I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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