i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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