my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
