Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
