i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
