Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize