real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
