the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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