im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
