Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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