I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
