Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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