Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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