So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
FUCK WHALES
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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