my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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