We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
this is an emotional support booty call
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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