so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
