and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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