I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
