so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
