we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
3pm strippers are depressing
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
