OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
