how hairy? two words: wookie tits
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
