he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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