Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
