that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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