one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
