guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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