Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i think my cat just said my name.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
