Swine flu. Run for my life!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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