1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
