worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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