if i died would you start the facebook group?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
