I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
