I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
