He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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