True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I see more hoeing in ur future
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