Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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