Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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