I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
