U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
