I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
