Define "chronic" masturbator.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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