i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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